We’ll be frank about it: we love football. But we also love the peanut butter and baloney sandwiches. That is to say, we accept the concept of “to each his own”. Still, it’s easier to avoid the peanut butter and peanut butter sandwiches than those endless football games that haunt your TV screen week after week, month after month, for about half the year.

Still, nothing will convince you to stop fighting it, learning to understand football, and cheering on others. Your mom always said you were stubborn. Of course, there’s always a lunch with the girls, a mall cruise, or maybe an island weekend.

Although, since the NFL football schedule lasts from the August preseason to the February Super Bowl, these options are likely to leave you broke or homesick. Maybe both. And speaking of the latter, stubborn soul that you are, you probably resist being kicked out of your home, islands, or no islands.

Do not be afraid. We have what you need.

First of all, you need to set some ground rules. Football observers are alone. They will have to buy their own beers and phone the pizza chef. Leaving you free to explore one or more of the following alternatives:

  • 1.) Take care of yourself. Install a small spa in your room, smear the mud, finish reading that book you didn’t have time for. A pitcher of martinis goes well with this option. Don’t forget the olives.
  • 2.) Be selective with your invitations. When you (or your loved one) invite the gang over to watch football, be sure to filter the guests to include other football enemies. When they arrive, you can take out your like-minded crew, demand that the TV’s audio be lowered to an acceptable level, retreat to a separate room, and for about two hours, you can complain about those football-obsessed Neanderthals. . drooling in front of the TV. A pitcher of martinis goes well with this option, too. Don’t hesitate to skip the olives.
  • 3.) Put on a show. This is another group activity you might consider combining with Variation # 2. During the first half of the football game, start rehearsing a show at half time. All go. Wearing costumes. Like maybe NFL soccer jerseys and – that’s it: just NFL soccer jerseys. Which, frankly, works best if your crew is in fairly good shape. Then at halftime bring it! In fact, if your crew is in exceptionally good form, the second half may become irrelevant.
  • And. . . OK OK. We know that you absolutely, positively decided not to educate yourself about football. But – uh – wouldn’t it be a hoot if you learned just enough so that you could stroll around the TV in that NFL jersey and make a comment that will scare them off?

    Like, “They’re never going to make it to the playoffs if they can’t convert to the red zone.” Or “Two feet and they’re not going to go? Wimps!”

    These are things you might learn from your first half jam session. No kidding.

    Or – hey, just enjoy the mud. And the olives.

    Source by Bob Brooker

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